Spiritual Porn Addiction*

Ummm…okay…
At first glance this phrase would strike most Christians to be just a tad shocking, jarring, oxymoronic, and incongruent to the extreme, but at the same time strangely intriguing… when you allow yourself the freedom to think about it. After all, one does not normally link the word ‘spiritual’ with ‘porn’ (it usually being equated with erotica). However, I was drawn to this lesser-known dictionary definition:

pornography
: the depiction of acts in a sensational manner so as to arouse a quick intense emotional reaction

Now, I recently discovered my own addiction: house porn. For several years, I felt compelled to buy decorating/renovating magazines and constantly watched shows dealing with the same subject matter on TV. I couldn’t wait for the next programs or publications (a.k.a. ‘fixes’). The world stopped while I got my next hit. It all seemed so harmless! I wasn’t hurting anybody. On the contrary, I derived many excellent ideas from my little obsession. The problem was I couldn’t afford to see these ideas materialize! I am not even remotely a rich person…we live in a modest house with a big mortgage and we struggle financially. But because I lacked the money to carry out my projects I found myself endlessly frustrated - which led to an envy of rich people, to coveting wealth, to extreme discontent with my lot in life which in turn led to marital discord and an underlying, slow-burning, smoldering resentment towards God. What I didn’t realize was that I had gradually been beguiled by the enemy of my soul who twisted my ‘innocent’ voyeurism into a serious spiritual entrapment, which in turn sought to poison my trust in and affections for my Heavenly Father.

As far as my husband Richard goes, after having been born-again for over twenty years, the day finally came when to his dismay he discovered that he had inadvertently become as addicted to religion as any crack addict is addicted to his/her next fix. He could never get enough! In essence, church** became his crack den where he got high. Since he was in a leadership position, it made the attraction even more alluring because it fed his soul’s longing for attention. He craved (and often led) the praise and worship, the teachings, the bible studies, the home gatherings. He spent multiplied thousands of dollars on Christian literature, books, magazines and tapes as well as traveling to retreats, seminars and conventions. What made it even worse is that he was in the thick of and mesmerized by the “Toronto Blessing” with all its hype and excess. That in itself was an intoxicating narcotic, arousing (according to the dictionary definition of pornography) “a quick intense emotional reaction”…not only in my husband but in literally hundreds of thousands of others worldwide.

Now, to fellow Christian friends and congregants (including me), Richard’s apparent devotion to the Lord was considered admirable. Over and over we commented on his obvious passion and zeal, his ability to speak articulately and to expound upon the Word of God, and you’d have to be blind not to see that the Lord had obviously deposited a hunger for truth in my husband’s soul. But we were all very wrong. What we saw really wasn’t commendable whatsoever, because Richard had fallen prey to the insidious lies of the enemy of his soul which made his zeal only look lovely and ‘spiritual’. In actuality, he had been beguiled. He had essentially substituted his love for God with an unquenchable thirst to gain knowledge and to be seen and heard. It was a subtle enticement, but extremely effective in a diabolical way.

However, we now know it was good thing that Richard had been led astray, because eventually he came to a place where he saw that what he had mistaken for God was really Satan usurping the Lord’s rightful place in his affections. Richard’s unquenchable hunger for spiritual highs became his personal Turkish Delight (if you haven’t read “The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe”, Turkish Delight is an enchanted candy that leaves the consumer with an insatiable desire for more).

When he finally left organized Christianity, it was such a traumatic, sorrowful experience that Richard felt as if a part of him had died. In essence, it had – it was as if a gangrenous limb had been amputated. However, since that time he has been on a journey of liberation, of extricating himself from the bonds of the religious addiction that had so ensnared him. The bible refers to this process as ‘working out your own salvation’.

It is written that “we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose”. It would be tempting for Richard to feel great remorse over the fact that he had wasted so many years as a religious addict, but in truth the best thing is that coming to know the truth about who he is in Christ has been Richard’s ongoing, glorious rehab!

*a phrase coined by Darin Hufford in a piece he wrote on “The Free Believers Network”:
http://freebelievers.com/blog-entry/spiritual-porn-addiction
** by ‘church’ I mean organized Christianity

Rich/Margi